PREVIOUS QUOTES/TIPS OF THE WEEK (21-30)

Quote #21 : "Your hands can probably go faster than my tongue" (Claire issues a challenge to Chris Martin before the contest)
"The winners of the Best Bass Section...Band Three - Battle Town" (Words none of us thought we'd live to hear!)
Tip #21:
Drummers! Always check the snare before starting the Test Piece. Then check it again. And again if necessary.

Quotes #22 : "I keep a bag of marshmellows (sic) in my room and toast them in bed over those little night-lights" (Olau)
"Olau, you are sad" (Sheila)
"Physically I'm twenty-one, mentally I'm four" (Shelley)
"I'm just going home to relieve Russell" (Kirsty)
Tip #22: Band can't keep in line at marches? Trouble remembering which foot to start on? Cornets won't stop chatting?
Simply put a television camera somewhere along the route and hey presto! Instant "military discipline"!

Quote #23 : "I can't finish this" (Peter, astonishly, calls it quits before the end of the pint)
Tip #23: By all means leave your music on top of your car whilst loading, but do not attempt to drive away before removing it. If you should somehow forget this rule, ensure that you realise as soon as possible and remedy the situation.

Quotes #24 : "If I close mine, does yours get harder?" (Stuart to William)
"How do you make it hard?" (Chloe)
The best quote this week was from Shelley, but as this is essentially a family website I can't print it here.
That said, if anyone reeeally wants to know, just ask! Needless to say, it involves a fire engine.
Tip #24: Don't mix your drinks if you want to ride rollercoasters the next day.

Quote #25 : "I like a little nibble every now and again" (Russell)
Tip #25: Don't live in Hastings if you're worried about having your car nicked.

Quote #26 : "I'll give her one after the rehearsal" (Pete W about Ruth M)
Tip #26: Don't challenge Ruth Cavilla to an eating contest

Quote #27 : "Ugh, that sounds like a bloody foghorn!" (Ruth C misses the point of The Padstow Lifeboat)
Tip #27: Don't take a tennis ball to band. Unless you fancy climbing onto the school roof.

Quote #28 : (disappointed tone) "No-one ever calls me a gimp" (Margaret proves there is such a thing as an age gap after all)

Tip #28: To avoid elderly-relative-humiliation in front of the whole band: If there's any chance of your Gran turning up to the fête you're playing at, don't dye your hair red until afterwards.

Quotes #29 : (Conductor to back-row) "I need more dynamics"
(back-row player) "I'm playing as loud as I can!"
(spotted during an "unnamed" band's rehearsal by one of our equally "unnamed" Uni exiles)
"Watch out; Olau's tend to bounce out and stab people!" (Shelley)
Tip #29: If you are going to be getting very, very drunk celebrating contest success, don't spend lots of money on expensive cornet study books that a) you will, in your inebriated state, leave behind, and b) you would never have used anyway.

Previous Quotes/Tips

Back to Band Humour Index